Thursday, February 28, 2013

First Dates and "I Love You"s

It wasn't long after the first kiss that Alex took me on our first official date. My dear friend Lauren had asked us both to go to Taco Tuesday with her out at a restaurant called Loco Patron. Now, I don't know about you, but anything that involves tacos is alright in my book. I was thrilled to be going out to dinner with Alex and we had some of the best company i could have wished for.

I remember driving out to Ahwatukee that night, and feeling so unbelievably comfortable. Alex told me that I could change all the presets in his car to my favorite radio stations. And i did. Plus Ke$ha's song "your love in my drug" was super popular at the time, and I may or may not have rolled down all the windows and let my hair fly wildly around me while I belted the song at the top of my lungs. I would have never been that at ease with anyone else so early in the relationship. But with Alex, things just felt safe. he made me feel whole, and alive, and excited, and sure, and taken care of.

We got to the restaurant, and I tried to be all timid and girly about my order... "oh, i'll just have one chicken taco, and a water with a lemon please..." But luckily, in this small amount of time alex and i had spent with each other, he had learned two very two important things... i love tacos. and i need Dr. Pepper. So he then orders "5 tacos, 2 chicken and 3 beef. Also i want one dr pepper, and a mountain dew... i'm super thirsty"

I gave him the strangest look and he said, "Just in case you decide you want more..."

so cute.

And heavens knows i scarfed down those few extra tacos he ordered, and drank that DP like nobody's business. And we laughed and talked and made some awesome memories. It was a simple first date, but it was easy and nice and that's all you can really hope for in a first date... amiright?

So the days go by, and we go on more dates. We meet each others families. We meet each others friends. and we are just having a grand ole time being together lots and lots. One night in particular was extra special. We had gone out for dinner, and then went bak to my parents house to watch a movie. i honestly don't remember what movie we watched... too bad, so sad. But if you know me at all, you will know that I freaking fall asleep in every single stinking movie i try to watch. It doens't matter how funny, or how intense the movie is, you can pretty much bet on the fact that i will be zonked out by the time the credits roll. So, I had fallen asleep during this movie with alex, and i remember kinda waking up at the end. I was laying in alex's lap, and he was playing with my hair, and he was talking to me. Now this is one of the cutest things i have ever experienced  so i continued to "sleep". But really i was just listening to everything he was saying to me. I remember him telling me how glad he was that Heavenly Father had lead us to each other, and that he couldn't believe how incredible i was. and then I heard him say something that I honestly wasn't expecting.

"i love you."

he said it. even if he thought i was unconscious  he still said it, and he loves me. and it was really hard to still pretend to be sleeping. At this point i figured i better 'wake up'. So i attempted my best fake yawn-stretch-oh-my-gosh-did-i-really-fall-asleep face and just smiled up at him. He played it cool, and didn't allude to the fact that he had just said the L word. and i had to tell him it was time to go home so that I didn't end up spilling the beans that i had totally heard his secret confession.

I wasn't quite ready to say it back. But it didn't take long.

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

My Last First Kiss

If I thought alex was bold by holding my hand after one day of knowing me, i wasn't even close to being prepared for what was about to happen.

So as i mentioned in the last story, Alex was going to come over to my house to watch the baseball game. I was so excited i could barely handle it. I'm not one of those girls who just pretends to like sports to get some guys to be interested in her. I am the type of girl who yells at the tv, spills the popcorn, bites her nails and watches through her fingers while she watches sports. I absolutely love them! especially baseball!!

Well game time rolled around and alex came over and we plopped down on the couch to watch the game. I turned it to ESPN... no baseball game. Fox sports... no baseball game. CBS... no baseball game. I called my dad into the room and he quickly informed us that today of all days was a day that the game was blacked out. No TV airing. awesome. I figured the day was over, Alex would go home, and we would try again another day. But instead Alex suggested that we watch a movie. ;) that sly dog.

I was thrilled that he actually wanted to still hang out, even with no baseball game to entertain him. So i showed him to our dvd collection and he picked out Stardust.

{I MUST do a little backstory on this movie... i have gotten every single first kiss from every boyfriend during or after this movie. ha! My first boyfriend ross and I saw this in the theaters, and he kissed me afterwards on the steps on Caesars Palace (he lived in Vegas). My second boyfriend and I watched this at my house, and he kissed me on the bean bag during the credits.}

(yeah yeah, I've only ever had 2 boyfriends/kisses before alex. it's embarrassing. lets move on.)

SO... This being said, I was anxious to see how this viewing would go. We went upstairs to the loft, and we actually got through the whole movie ;) there was a lot of hand holding and beginner stage cuddling going on for sure, but we made it through the whole thing. And it was great! I honestly didn't assume there would be any kissing going on... like i said, alex had known each other for a grand total of 48 hours... But apparently this tiny amount of time didn't bother Alex. ;)

After the movie was over, it was pretty late, and I had school in the morning, so i offered to walk him out. We went outside and i was anticipating a hug, and maybe some talk of getting together again, but oh no...

I told Alex I had a great time, and before I could say anything else, he was kissing me.

and if it hadn't have been the most amazing kiss i have ever had in my whole life, i might have been more shocked. but instead i found myself being realizing that this is what i have been waiting for. this firework moment. the foot popping kiss. the kiss that takes your breath away and makes your knees go weak and all the other cliche things that happen. It was short and sweet and perfect. Alex pulled away from that kiss and just smilied and said, "I had a great time tonight." and got in his car and drove away.

I sat out on the sidewalk for a good 15 minutes after he left trying to wrap my head around the fact that I may have just had my last first kiss.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Hand holding and scat singing.

As I mentioned yesterday, Alex had been sneaky enough to get my number and had shown some interest in coming to my jazz concert at CGCC the next night. But I wasn't delusional enough to think that some random guy I had met at a YSA meeting would actually come out to chandler to watch a concert of a girl he had spent 2 hours with. But lucky for me, Alex wasn't just some random guy. ;)

I remember getting ready for the concert that night, and telling my girlfriends about the cute boy I had met, and how I got a different vibe from him. He was genuine and sweet and didn't seem like all the other guys I had been with.

I sat behind the curtain before the concert started and my heart was beating hard in my chest. I jumped every time the doors opened and more people came into the auditorium. I didn't know why I was so nervous for him to show up. I mean come on, I'd known him for less than 24 hours. I had to go get in position before I knew if Alex had actually came. And by this time I was convinced he wasn't coming.

I walked on stage, and guess who was sitting in the front row... You guessed it. Alex. I gave him a surprised look and he just shrugged and gave me the cutest, embarrassed smile.

I sang my heart out in that performance, obviously wanting to show off just a little. I was blown away by the fact that he had actually showed up. After our set as over, we were allowed to go and sit in the audience to watch the rest of the concert. I went and sat by Alex, and told him how happy I was that he had come. And he told me that it was well worth it to see me again. /cheese.

The rest of the concert was a blur. All I remember is that I was freaking out. Why?? Well because Alex was super bold and decided to hold. my. hand. It was wonderful and scary all at the same time. I remember it being super awkward too because we are at a concert, so we are required to clap... And since this was the first hand holding experience, there is always that awkward moment of, do I just go straight back to holding hands after clapping, or do I wait for him to reach for it again, or should we just not clap at all... Hahaha so awkward. But somehow we made it through, and I was smiling like a goon over the whole thing.

He walked me to my car, and told me how he had a great night, and then no hug, no talk of seeing each other again, he bolted to his car. I was laughing so hard because he was brave enough to come to my concert and hold my hand, but not brave enough hug goodnight. I yelled "hey, where are you going..." He looked back at me super confused, and then slowly start walking back towards me. I told him that I'd like to see him again. And then asked him if he liked baseball. (Alex says that this questions sealed my fate. He knew that he had to marry me now that he knew about my insane love of baseball) he told me that he did in fact love baseball and would love to come over and watch the game with me.

And that's exactly what he did... Plus something extra.

Check back tomorrow for more of the story ;)

Monday, February 25, 2013

How We Met

Next monday is mine and my husbands 2nd anniversary! Wow how times flies! And to celebrate this next week, i thought i would post one story/ memory a day from our lives together.

I don't think I have told very much of 'our story' on the blog, so this way its kinda like a 2 for 1 special. Plus, i will get me back in to the habit of writing more frequently, which is a MUST.

okay, so without further ado:

Way back in april of 2010 I was asked to sing in a special musical number for a singles ward. I wasn't in the singles ward yet, and so i thought that i was kinda weird to go sing for a bunch of people i didn't know. I kindly declined the invitation to sing, and didn't think much of it.

A few days later, on sunday, I woke up with a strange prompting to go and sing in that musical number. I thought that was a pretty weird thing to think, and dismissed the idea. But after a few more intense promptings, and an enormous amount of butterflies in my stomach I called up my friend who was in charge of the singing. I quickly told her how sorry I was for turning her down earlier and I asked if there was still a need for one more alto. She didn't waste any time telling me how much they still needed me, and told me that they were getting ready to run the last rehearsal at the church building and for me to hurry my buns on over.

I remember walking into the chapel, and being told to go and stand by a handsome guy in an orange tie. i shyly said hi, and we went on practicing. after a few minutes learning the song and getting acquainted, practice was over as quickly as it began and we were told to go sit in order in the pews. There was still a few minutes before the meeting actually began, and I began talking to the handsome boy in the orange tie.

His name was Alex. He has recently returned from a 2 year mission to Mexico City. This peaked my interest because I had lived in Madrid Spain for 3 years, and i had always hoped to marry someone who spoke fluent spanish. We continued talking, and even once the meeting started we continued to write notes to each other on the back of the sunday program. We talked about college plans, and hobbies, and somehow got talking about the singing program at CGCC that i was in the next day. He seemed interested in the music program, and I coyly mentioned that he was welcome to come and check it out. And then we told me that if he was to come and check it out he would need my number... so suave. ;)

needless to say, he got my number. and we continued to talk for the rest of the day, and into the night. It was so refreshing to talk to guy who was to genuine and sweet. But i'll be honest. i didn't think that those late night texts would lead to anything serious... but boy was I wrong... and i have never been so glad to be wrong.

To Be Continued.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

DisneyWorld Business Trip

Sometimes I hate my job. Who doesn't right? But sometimes I love it too.

For those who don't know, I am a full time nanny for two adorable girls. Their parents run a large construction/soil stabilization company, and are always super busy. So i am with the girls from the moment they wake up, until they are sitting down for dinner with their parents. I bathe them, get them dressed, play with them, discipline them, teach them, and love them.

It's an amazing job, with amazing perks.

such as: going to DisneyWorld for 9 days and getting paid the whole time.

not gonna lie... it's a pretty sweet gig.

granted, there are a ton of aspects that i don't love about going on vacation with my bosses, but honestly, there isn't much to complain about.

We spend our time playing at the parks, eating amazing (expensive) foods, and just hanging out.

Most days we would head to the parks around 8:30. And ride rides, and see the shows and meet the characters, then around 11 get some lunch, then head home fore naps and relaxing. Then around 5 we would get dressed up and go back to the parks for dinner and one of the night time shows.

wash. rinse. repeat.

everyday that was the plan.
And a fine plan it was. The girls had a blast, and I can honestly say, that it's nice to be able to go it the Disney Parks for work, since my husband isn't the biggest fan of Disney Parks, and therefore, its super hard to convince him to go and spend a ton of money at a place he doesn't enjoy. But since i go, and get paid to go, it's most definitely a win-win!

The biggest downside is seeing how sad the girls are that their parents don't want to spend time with them at the parks. We walk through the gates, and then they say "see ya!" and run to ride roller coasters, get coffees, and ride more roller coasters. and that almost always resulted in tears from the girls.

i can't imagine how sad that would be, to see your parents leave, and leave you with a babysitter at disneyland. :/

luckily, the girls love me, and we always have a good time, so they weren't too sad for too long.

Overall, I'd say it was a successful trip. We had a good time, and my bank account is certainly happy about my time in D-World!!

Our next trip is in April, and we are going to Hawaii for 10 days...

i really do love my job.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013


alright kids, this is about to get really real.

i usually try to keep my posts light and fun and nice... but today i have a lot on my heart. and i need an outlet.

It's been a whole month of doing weight watchers, and I am actually very surprised I am seeing such amazing results. I have lost 11 pounds. It feels great. Plus I am going to the gym 4 times a week, and staying for at least 2 hours. Which feels awesome. But even with the successes, it's been frustrating. I hate that if I "reward myself" on a date night, (and by reward, i mean, i allow myself to eat half a roll and get some sugar free gelato) that it throws off my entire week. How can one meal ruin a whole week of being good?? I just don't understand that science behind that one. And how come, even after losing 11 pounds, my pants still feel tight, and I still haven't seen any changes? It makes me feel like there is something wrong with me. like i am not deserving of any changes.

I am completely aware that this process takes a long time, and that I must be patient. But sometimes I just feel like giving up. Granted, i know that this won't help anything be better, and i know that I owe it to myself to keep going. But how do i keep going, and eating salads, and refusing sweets, and killing myself at the gym, when it seems to be all for not.

I recently just pushed through my first plateau, and that felt awesome! but that wonderful feeling of accomplishment is so fleeting. I'm just used to telling myself that i'm not good enough and that this is just a fluke. My heart and my brain both totally believe that I am a "fat girl" and that no matter what the scale says, i will never get rid of that title. No matter what size pants i'm able to wear, i'm still undesirable, and gross.

ugh, what terrible feelings. why do i feel this way. it's not like i don't have people constantly telling me how much they love and admire me. cuz i do. my family is SO supportive, and my husband is incredible. but for some reason, no matter what they say, it doesn't penetrate deep enough for me to truly believe it. I wish so badly that i could change that about myself. I'm much less concerned about the number on the scale, as much as i am with the way i feel about myself.

Self acceptance is such a huge thing. I think it's important to love yourself. and I think it's important to feel proud of yourself. and i'm working on it. I think by being super open, and truthful, i can figure out the reasons why i feel so sad, and so discouraged all the time. I think that this is the first step in the process to becoming a self accepting person. and i really hope that i am able to overcome all of these yucky feelings, and move on to becoming a much happier version of myself.

I wish i could just see the end result. I wish i could see myself a year from now and know that things will continue to go well. /sigh. wouldn't that be nice in all aspects of life. to know what the future looks like. to know that you will have healthy children, and a stable job, and a long life with your spouse. But that's basically impossible. The best i can do is to have the faith to keep trying. To trust the process and keep doing the things that i know are right. weather that be in my spiritual goals, or weight loss goals. we just have to keep pushing forward.

i'm sorry i'm rambling. But i have just had so many pent up emotions, and i'm sure Alex gets sick of hearing about all of the same concerns and frustrations, cuz trust me, he hears about all of this on a regular basis.

anyway, I really hope that I can move forward with a lot of optimism, and that no matter what happens in regards to my weight, i can begin to heal myself emotionally. I will keep a better record of my journey on the blog, so that i am able to track my progress, and remember my struggles and my successes.

on a much lighter note, i get to spend the next 9 days in Disney World for 'work' :) it should be a great deal of fun!

i truly hope you have a happy day!