For me personally, I wasn't too worried about my body post baby. I have always had stretch marks, and I have never been very skinny. I always had a bit of a belly, and my thighs have always touched. I figured that my body after having Izzy would be relatively similar to what I was already use to. But I was not prepared for the extra weight that would continue to cling to stomach and hips months after the baby was born. I was told from everyone that if I decided to breastfeed that it would be great for my body because breastfeeding burns so many calories and basically the pounds will just melt off, and I will be back in my pre pregnancy jeans before I know it.
Well, I have been exclusively breastfeeding for 2 1/2 months now, and can I just tell you that the weight is most definitely NOT melting off... in fact, since the initial 25 lb weight loss of having the baby, and losing fluids and whatnot, I have not lost a single more pound. In fact, I have GAINED weight. I can't even begin to tell you how devastated I am. It's so frustrating to feel like you are making the right decision for you and your baby and your family be choosing to breastfeed, but feeling like you wont be able to lose the weight and be happy with yourself until you stop breastfeeding. Talk about a double edged sword. I will just sit and cry because I feel so selfish for even considering formula feeding just so that I can start a strict diet and exercise program. But then I continue to cry because I just feel so ugly and fat. It's really hard for me, and honestly, I would complain to my poor husband day in and day out about my dilemma.
I knew for a fact that I would not stop breastfeeding for something so vain and selfish. I truly, truly LOVE breastfeeding, and it took a good long time for us to figure it out, so i want to keep it up as long as I can. But I also knew for certain that I could not continue to feel disgusted in my own skin. I was continually beating myself up, saying such degrading things and just down un the dumps over it.
So yesterday, I decided that it was time to end my pity party, and actually do something about my weight, while still doing everything I can to breastfeed. I re-signed up for Weight Watchers, and I am so excited to be on their Nursing Mothers program. They give you extra daily points to make sure that you are able to eat enough so that you continue to have a strong supply, but by tracking your food, you are automatically going to make way healthier choices. I loved my experience on weight watchers previous to getting pregnant, and I have a feeling that I am going to love my experience with it this time.
I want to use this blog as a bit of a diary for my progress and my thoughts and my frustrations and my victories. It's only been 2 days and I am already so proud of myself. I feel happy again, and I look forward to the excitement that weight loss and self improvement bring into my life.
Here we go!