Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Diary of a Primary Chorister

A few months ago I was called into the Bishop's office and was asked if I would be willing to accept the calling of Primary Chorister. My heart started beating really fast, and I wanted to say no. But I took a deep breath and instead replied that I would be happy to. I held back the tears until I got out to the car with Alex, and then I let out all the fear, and frustration and anxiety. I cried and told my sweet husband that I didn't believe I was cut out for something like this. Sure, I am musical. Sure, I like kids. But combine the two? It wasn't quite the calling I was hoping for.

I prayed for guidance, patience, and an ability to teach those precious souls in the best way possible. I prepared my first lesson, and walked into that primary room Sunday Morning with sweaty palms and a racing heart. The kids were wonderful, and eager to learn and I left that day feeling a bit better about this whole situation.

From then on, things only got better. I remembered more kids names, I understood the schedule a bit better, and I didn't feel like I was going to throw up, so that was a plus.

And then last week happened.

I planned a fun coin toss game. Basic premise: Choose a child to come and toss the coin. Heads we sing a song, Tails we did an activity to get the wiggles out. Easy enough.

The first hour, junior primary, things went great. It was a pretty normal day and I really felt the kids were learning the songs extremely well. Senior Primary filed in an hour later, and I was ready to do the same activities as I did with the little kids. All was fine and dandy, until we did an activity that got a little to rowdy. Asking forty 8-11 year olds to do 10 jumping jacks is a little insane. I laughed it off and they calmed back down so that we could sing another song. When it came time to do another activity (singing Jesus Wants me For A Sunbeam) I was wary about the reverence level, but let them sing the song anyway. That's when I see one teacher sitting the front row rolling her eyes and mouthing the words, "Oh My GOSH." I was a little taken aback, but didn't think much of it until another teacher sitting straight up says, "I can't believe you are letting them do this. It's SO irreverent."

...

Immediately I revert back to feeling insecure and lousy. I don't feel like I can do this calling. I stand up in front of all of these children and I try to hold back the tears. We manage to finish the lesson without having to do any more wiggle activities, and I quickly gather my things and bolt outside where the tear promptly begin to fall. I'm hyperventilating and freaking out, and that's when the primary president runs out after me to ask what is wrong. I'm still in tears and i try to explain with the most tact possible, how this sister in primary had extremely hurt my feelings and made me feel like I shouldn't be up these teaching the children. I told her how I felt like everyone was still treating me like a Young Woman instead of an equal. I told her how I easily let my feelings get hurt, and how terrible I am at hiding it. I told her how now it will be hard to hold me head high while that sister is in Primary. I explained how now I am at a loss for how to teach these children in a way that will please everyone, especially the Lord.

Luckily, our Primary president is an angel, and she reassured me that I am indeed capable, and that i can't let someone else criticize me and belittle me when I am, in fact, doing a good job.

I'm still a little hurt and apprehensive for next week when I will have to face this sister again in primary. But I am determined to learn from this experience and use it improve my understanding of other people's opinions. I am constantly trying to take less offense from the things that people around me say, and this is just another place I can practice this.

I believe that the Lord called me to Primary for a reason, and I do know that I will have an impact on those children's lives. I love being able to teach those children the simple principles of the gospel through music, and being able to bare my testimony to them every week.

I'm grateful for the power of prayer and the ability I have to cry out to my Heavenly Father and ask for his help in this learning process. I'm thankful for a loving husband who encourages me, believes in me and reassures me that I am enough.


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12 comments:

  1. I always had the hardest time with reverence in my senior primary too. Sorry hun. Its hard when others haven't had to do it or just don't want to try to give you the benefit of the doubt. I was able to find some good reverence tools online that helped out a lot. Its always tough. Especially with so many kids (we had 80 in each senior and junior!), but you will eventually find your groove and get a thicker skin. I'm sorry you were hurt though. That's not something I'd wish on anyone. You're doing a great job. Just keep at it!

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    1. Thanks Ashley! I know it'll be one of the best and hardest callings I ever have. I appreciate your kind words! :)

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  2. Oh, I SO KNOW what you're talking about! I first got that calling when I was barely 19 living in Provo. On my very first day, I had to teach "Nephi's Courage." To introduce the song, I asked everyone who was the first prophet mentioned in the Book of Mormon and they all said, "Nephi!" Suddenly, this lady from the Primary Presidency walks up to the front of the room, puts her arm around me, and says, "Actually, Sister Foote is wrong. Nephi was not the first prophet of the Book of Mormon. Lehi was." I was so humiliated. Maybe I wasn't clear, or maybe she misunderstood what I was getting at (the kids clearly didn't), but it was so rude and uncalled for! I started getting teary-eyed and feeling very insecure. Now when I look back I think about how ridiculous it was. It's not like a kid's testimony is going to crumble because his singing time teacher was wrong about some inconsequential technicality! She was rude to do that to me.

    I got that calling again a few years ago and it went much better the second time. I made it clear from the start that sometimes we would have fun in singing time. We would sing loud and do fun movements. But when it was time to be reverent, we would switch gears quickly. It's OK to get a little rowdy sometimes in Primary, I think. As long as you can bring it back to reverence and bear powerful testimony, it's fine. The kids will remember you as someone who had a huge impact on their lives for the better.

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    1. Oh my gosh, I would have burst into tears! That's way worse than what happened to me! But thank you so much for sharing! It means a lot! It's amazing how some people don't realize how hurtful their words are. They assume they are being helpful, but honestly they are just being so rude! I'm sorry that happened to you! But at least we know we aren't alone in this!!

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  3. I have always believed a part of leading the primary music is allowing a little irreverence to occur. It allows the kids to get it out and then you end on a quiet note. One of your most endearing traits is your empathy for others. I see it with your "girls" at your work and in your personal life. You have amazing skills that will bless the lives of those kids. Uncle Paul says to tell the other 2 ladies to bite me and get over themselves. It's not about them. And that's all I've got to say about that.

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    1. Oh Paul! Thanks so much for your kind words, they really mean so much!

      And I'll be sure to send those sisters your way if they happen to speak their mind again. Haha

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    2. BTW -

      When I substitute as primary chorister I tell the kids the Bishop is sitting in his office and he wants to hear them singing all the way down the hall.

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  4. I would have cried too. FOR SURE. I am so sorry that happened to you but I think you absolutely handled it in the right way by telling your President how you felt.

    Good luck next week. I'm sure it will be easier than you imagine right now.

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  5. Allora... You are incredible. I would have burst into tears right then and there. In my opinion, that woman is completely wrong to begin with! Part of the reason we do singing time is to help kids have fun and associate the gospel with happy feelings. I'm sorry, but being reverent all the time is not something that little kids are good at, and it is especially not something they enjoy! I hope my kids have a chorister like you in primary. Jesus loves little children, and I'm sure He knows of their little rambunctious spirits! Keep doing what you are doing!

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  6. That is so sad... I'm sorry that happened! I used to be in Primary and also subbed as the chorister a couple times, and from my experience I think it would be a fiasco if you didn't let them get some wiggles out. Singing time is the perfect time to do that! I'm so glad your pres is such a sweetheart though, and hopefully things will get easier. :) Good luck! I'm sure you're doing great!

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  7. Oh no! Girl, I'm so sorry! I love, love, LOVE when our primary chorister lets us get those wiggles out! Those women are lamer than anything. I bet you are seriously awesome! Good luck next week, and just remember that the kids definitely think you rock!

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  8. PS. I just read Paul's comment, and our guy says that every. single. week. and we love it SOOO much!

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