the beginning of a new adventure.

I never thought I would be writing a post about this.
I have always believed that weight loss was a personal thing and that it didn't need to be shared with everyone.
But then I tried dieting and I realized that i am the type of person who needs people to hold me accountable for what i eat and how active i am.
So i figured, this blog is the perfect platform to do that.

The other day, i posted about my struggles on Facebook, and I was overwhelmed and touched by the support I got from my sweet friends! I am so thankful that I have such wonderful women in my life who understand my struggles and want so badly to help me succeed!

That support helped boost my self confidence and determination to do something about my weight issues.

But before we jump into my future plans-- a little back story.

I have always been "a fat kid".
I hit puberty early, and so by age 9, i was already much bigger than all the other little kids my age. Not to mention that at this time in my life i was living in Madrid, Spain. So i was surrounded by unfamiliar faces and a culture who didn't understand childhood obesity. I was teased and bullied for my size and i dealt with my hurt feelings the only way i knew how. i ate.

12 years old

Then when i was 12 I came home to Arizona and started 6th grade. I was still bullied and made fun of, but at least i had made some friends who were in the same situation that I was. That helped, but i still ate my feelings.

Junior high was a blur, and I luckily made some life long friends who accepted me for who i was, and i was able to feel more normal. So the emotion eating stopped a bit. I was still bigger, but i didn't feel like a bad person for being that way.

15 years old

In high school, things got better and better. I made more amazing friends, i was in amazing choirs, i was in weight training, and i felt like i was getting a handle on everything. Sure, i never had a boyfriend, and didn't even get asked on many dates, but i didn't blame that on my size.
but then Senior year, i overheard some boys talking about who they were going to ask to prom, and my name was mentioned. but then the words, "don't ask her, shes a fatty" were spoken.

lets just say that tears were shed.

16 years old

 i was angry and frustrated and for once in my life i turned to exercise and healthy eating instead of emotional overeating. in the last 6 month of my senior year i lost 25 pounds and I never felt to good. Granted i still wasn't a size 4, and i still didn't have dates. But i didn't care because I felt like for once i was in control of my life.

17 years old

25 pounds lost

At my thinnest. 18 years old.
i weighed 165lbs

i kept up this healthy eating through the first 2 years of college. right up until my first true heartbreak. as dramatic as it sounds, breaking up with my college boyfriend tore me up, and i immediately went back to my old habits. i quickly gained 10 pounds. and thus, the weight roller coaster began again.

A few months later, i met Alex, (now my husband). He loved me for me, and in return i was able to love myself again and begin to eat right again and slowly those 10 pounds of breakup weight went away.

19 years old

fast forward 2 years into our marriage, and here i am. writing this blog. Marriage is great, Alex still loves me for me, and that's wonderful. but somewhere in these last two years I have gained back those 25 pounds.

20 years old

21 years old

I feel like i am back in my senior year, and i can still hear those boys' evil words.

 "She's. A. Fatty."

And i don't want to be that sad girl anymore who hates what she sees in the mirror.
I don't want to feel like my husband doesn't want to look at me.
I mean heck, I don't like looking at myself, so why would he.
i don't want to be the girl that cries in the dressing room at old Navy because her usual size jeans are now too small.
I don't want to be the girl who turns to food if she had a bad day.

So I'm beginning this new phase.
Eating healthy.
being Active.
No more emotional eating.

You might have to read more sad, venting posts though, because instead of eating, i'll be here.

I hope i will have your support and encouragement and that you will want to experience this weight loss journey with me.

 i will keep posting photos of my journey, as i don't care about a number on a scale, the size of my jeans or the measurements of my hips. but rather, i just want to feel happy in my body.

Thank you, thank you.
:)