It's amazing how quickly 12 months can go by.
And lots and lots of seconds
One year ago my life completely flipped upside down. I kneeled across the alter with my best friend and made an eternal commitment. I became a wife, a support group, a cheerleader, a working gal, a therapist, a shoulder to cry on, a believer, a fighter, a peacemaker and a lover. I'm not saying it was always easy, trust me, I will be the first one to say that marriage is not easy and that it takes a lot of work and a lot of compromise and patience... But my my, it is DEFINITELY worth all of the hard work, late night talks/ fights, give and take, and sacrifice.
The first few months of marriage were a mix of bliss and torture. It was so nice to finally be married, not having to drive home to separate houses at the end of the night, or try and refrain from being too physical ;) but we were both use to being independent, and being raised by different families we didn't exactly see eye to eye one every issue that arose. I was overly sensitive and easily hurt, and alex was a little too brash and at times hurtful with the way he handled situations. I cried and gave him the silent treatment and he put on a headset and ignored the problem... Not exactly the best approach to new marital problems.
But slowly, over time, and with lots of coaxing, we learned how to handle each others emotions. I became less sensitive to the little things, I learned how to pick my battles, and when I did have a concern I have leaned how to voice my opinion in a way that is not abrasive or naggy. Alex learned how to manage his time so that I felt loved and appreciated, instead of ignored. But most of all we learned how to show our love to each other in the best way possible, through service. I'm thankful for a loving husband who goes out of his way to love me and I will always be trying to make sure he knows how lucky I am to have him in my life.
Things have been blissful since we finally figured out the best way to keep our marriage full of love. I can't remember the last time Alex and I had a disagreement. I couldnt be happier with the life I have chosen, and I'm pretty sure the rest of eternity is gonna be great. Now, I'm not naive enough to believe that just because we have not fought or had issue these last few months that we will never have problems... Heavens, if I new the trick to no marital problems, I promise I would share them.... But I know that whatever the issue, I will have Alex by my side, backing me up, fighting with me instead of against me. And I will do the same for him. I think that's part of the reason we need to have a partner in this life.. It gets hard and we need someone to believe in us when we can't even believe in ourselves. Someone to be at home to hug us after a hard day at work. Someone to call when you have an embarrassing moment, and you know that they will laugh with you and not at you. Someone to love you even though you are HORRIBLE at getting the laundry done in a timely manner. Someone to love you even though you haven't cooked a real dinner in weeks, and someone who is okay with pasta roni and Costco rolls on the couch almost every night. Someone to share your dreams with and someone to wake up in the middle of the night when you have had yet another nightmare. Someone to say, "I love you" to multiple times a day.
I can't imagine this life, or the life after this one without my husband by my side. I can't wait to see him graduate college and begin a fabulous job in finance. I can't wait to see him hold our babies. I can't wait to travel the world together. I can't wait. And it's wonderful to dream about the future and even though I may not know what we will be doing in 5, 10, or 20 years, I always see Alex there, in the future. He's always there. :)
I love you Alex. Thanks for making this last year the best one ever.
And my advice, for anyone reading this who is struggling with their marriage, or is about to get married, is to be patient. Don't sweat the small stuff. Don't yell or scream or say hurtful words in the heat of an argument. Even if you have to ask 5 times for your spouse to do something, don't let the fact that they didn't take the trash out the first time you ask turn into a fight where you say things you can't take back. It's just trash... In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter. Always put your spouses feelings first... Before you yell and and become accusatory, think about how you would feel if they reacted that way to you.. 5 seconds of reflection are usually enough to help calm emotions and keep the situation under control. Pray together. Whether you are religious or not, the act of kneeling hand in hand with your spouse and praying with them, and for them, is extremely bonding. Let them know that you are thinking about them, and that you want what is best for them.
I dont consider myself an expert, but I do wish someone had given me these small tidbits of advice before I jumped into my marriage with absolutely no grasp of reality. :)
Now get out there and tell that special someone that you Love them!!!!